I’m imperfect but I have so much to say

The world has taught women to fight against each other.

In the We Are Supported By podcast, soccer player and two-time Olympic gold medalist Abby Wombach talked about constantly being taught to compare herself to other women, as well as being taught not to reach the same bar as men, especially when it comes to salary.

Like many women, she was grateful for what she had.

“I had spent my whole career … just feeling grateful,” she said, “and I think many women could understand that.

I have spent the whole pandemic being grateful, which has sustained me, along with hope. Yet I’m now like Wombach — weary, and angry that I set the bar so low.

For the last year I have not written much, outside of journalistic articles. I felt like white women (me) should just. Shut. Up. And listen.

So I did. And then I listened some more. I read. I thought deeply and contemplated. I came to understand my place in racism and supporting the patriarchy. I am still learning.

I battled being immunocompromised during a pandemic in a state that hates masks and science and is vulnerable and overwhelmingly unvaccinated. I battled the same state over its treatment of my daughter, who is a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, as well as autistic.

Alabama really hates us. And, sometimes, I hate it back. Yet I am grateful for so much.

Gratefulness and anger are difficult to reconcile.

I recently realized that — without me even knowing it — I had become depressed. It took me a while to recognize it because my last bout with depression was so traumatic and stark, in the form of postpartum. It was my doctor who pointed it out this time. The pandemic — combined with hormones of a middle-aged woman — had beaten me down little by little day by day. As I ran to my mailbox with a mask on. As I wiped down groceries. As I tore my rotator cuff and stress fractured a foot but was too afraid to go to the doctor for fear of getting Covid.

I need a community to help me cope and Women of a Certain Rage is that community. During the pandemic we have all suffered loss of some kind. Yet I believe that loss can connect people.

A friend recently told me I have learned to “privilege my happiness” and I loved that phrase. We should all privilege our happiness.

Women Rage moved to Medium from Substack for reasons I detailed here. I also got rid of the former martini glass logo because not everyone drinks and, as a wise woman once pointed out to me, our culture glorifies alcohol. Yet if you are having a glass of wine while reading this, I do not judge you.

I’ve been quiet for a while but I’m ready to talk again. I’m ready to yell again. Sometimes in a quiet murmur. Sometimes kicking and screaming, when necessary. So DM me, comment on this post or catch me @merecummings on all social media. Tell me what YOU want to talk about or scream about.

There is room for everyone and we can all be supported by this circle of friends. I can do what I’m good at and you can teach me new things and do what you’re good at. We can support one another.

If you want to write for Women of a Certain Rage, simply write a Medium post and submit it to this publication.

One of my favorite quotes, from author Glennon Doyle (patron saint of white women) is, “Imperfect women get to show up and speak up too.”

I’m imperfect and I have so much to say. I hope you’ll stick around to listen.

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Multimedia journalist, Senior Journalism Instructor, social media manager, nonprofit director.

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Meredith Cummings

Meredith Cummings

Multimedia journalist, Senior Journalism Instructor, social media manager, nonprofit director.

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